PONDERING                                                            11/17/14

Dear Family,

The cold has come.  We are enjoying a nice high of 20 degrees today with strong winds out of the south. so we are pretty cold here, and today is the one year anniversary of the Tornado... and it was not this cold last year when we were doing tornado clean up. so it seems like it will be a cold winter.

There is the is man we always talk to when we come into the library, sister Henderson and I always called him the chicken man because he always sits in the front and eats a whole bucket of KFC chicken while he has his earphone plugged in. Anyways,, for the longest time we thought he was homeless, because he kinda looks like it, but then recently we saw him leaving the library and he got into the nicest car in the parking lot. it was so funny, and so surprising. anyways, today he is wearing his pajama bottoms and a "Washington strong" shirt, that many people have and are probably wearing because of the tornado anniversary. he is a really friendly guy and so funny.  it just teaches me a lesson bout how we should never judge someone by the way they appear, and not to make up judgments of what we think their walk of life is.  I think what is so powerful and interesting is that heavenly Father provides experiences in life to teach us the same lessons over and over again.

I am loving the experience of training, I love being able to bear my testimony of this work so boldly and surely to someone who is so new and unsure, and still trying to find their way. It has brought me to think a lot about the wonderful blessings and experiences I have received  and how I desire those same experiences and feelings for her. she has truly grown so much in this short time we have been together and I am so proud of her.

On Saturday Sister Gappmayer called us and asked us to prepare to give our testimony in relief society because the lesson was on missionary work.  sister Sullivan went first and was very honest in her testimony about how it was hard and she felt unsure about the experience, but the spirit was there and I was just so happy for her. Speaking in general to new people is a hard task for her, but she is truly coming out of her shell and allowing her personality to show. her testimony almost brought me to tears, because of how much she has grown, even though It has been hard for her. it has caused me to think back to the beginning  of my mission and look back on all the ways I have grown and the difficult challenges I have faced, grateful for them because they have all been worth it to me.

I didn't think I would be so emotional to have this experience end, but I think about all the people  I love here in Illinois and how I don't want to leave them. I just want to stay here with them and just sit and watch as they grow and become greater disciples of Christ.

We have been privileged to teach Destiny Sutton. She is a sweet girl, who lives over in Washington, IL and has a great desire to learn the gospel. she wants to be baptized she just wants to make sure it is the right thing, in one week she read to 1 nephi 13 and is still reading strong. She has a great way of restating everything we teach her in her own words, so we know she is understanding and what she is not understanding. It is so wonderful to meet people who have such a desire, and I love helping them understand the power of their faith. and encourage them as they try to act on it. one of the greatest things I have learned from teaching the gospel is that we, as mortal men, are afraid to sacrifice and so we pull back or we stop ourselves. I know that the blessings and the love we want and need from our Heavenly Father are just on the other side of that bump and despite our doubt and fear, we need to trust that he will provide. I testify that he will, he always provides and he always shows his love. I know these things are true, I know "sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven" the sooner we receive of those blessings the sooner we will feel our burdens lifted and our load lightened.

This week I asked the Elders for a blessing, I had been struggling with a few things and it was one of the most powerful blessings I have ever received. I felt the love and embrace from our Heavenly Fathers so powerfully and tangibly, yet it is hard to describe. It is funny because before I received it I felt the spirit prompt me and teach me some of the things I would be counseled about in my blessing, and I didn't share them with anyone, and those very things were mentioned and my mind was enlightened as I listened to the words that were spoken and the feelings I had. I felt a greater ability to face those challenges and my heart was calmed as I was reassured that the tools I have to do these things would suffice, and that I could place my trust in them.  I knew then, as I know now, that God loves me. He is aware of me and is always mindful. He desires for our success and the enabling power of the Atonement is what brings us that strength and faith that we can do the things we know we should do, even when it is hard.

Sister Sullivan is really sad that I am going home. Getting a new companion for her will be a hard change, but I have reassured her that I will be a support and strength for her. I want her to feel successful and happy, but I have also testified of the trials that are ahead of her. Today and tomorrow and Wednesday we are going on exchanges with the Sister Training Leaders, and she is really nervous about it. she will be great.

We taught this guy Davtone this week, and he is really interesting, he is so paranoid about things in the media and signs and symbols.  He believes that the Luminoti (sp?) is back and all these weird things. he likes to ramble a lot and so we get to see a lot of his fears, anyways we had a very powerful lesson with him about the restoration and at the end he said he needed to fast and pray about these things.  The greatest part is he understands the significance and importance of the message and how he will have to change his life if he comes to know that it is true. So we are praying and hoping that he will do his part and come to know these things.

We got our car back on Friday and so for two days we had two cars!! it was awesome!! I would smile and look at sister Sullivan and say "which car should we drive this time?!" haha it was fun. Now the elders have the truck again till Wednesday. so I attached a picture of me and the two cars! pretty fun! and of course I took a photo-shoot in the truck! I love that truck! :) so much fun this week.

I just want to please the Lord. I just want to do his will. I just want to work hard to the end. I just want to have the spirit in my life for the rest of my life and be led as I have been. I just want to never leave Illinois (except for maybe a few months when it is cold) I just want to be a consecrated missionary. I just want to see miracles and have my testimony strengthened ten fold. I just want to be a missionary forever.. "I want, I want I want!, me ME MEE  NOW! NOW! NOW!!!"  Why are we as natural men, so prone to sin and transgression, when we desire so much more of our selves and for our selves? it is our natural state to make mistakes and to aspire for things greater than ourselves. And OH How Great! the goodness of our Lord that he atoned for us. OH HOW GREAT his love and wisdom.

This church is true. The Book of Mormon is true. Joseph Smith is a prophet of God.  Gods authority is on the earth. Families can be together forever. Our Savior Lives, and loves us.

What else do you need in life? 

I love you all, I thank you all for everything. I love this work, I am sitting here crying like a baby because I have to come home.  ( not because I don't love you , but because I have to leave.)

Love,

Sister O'Neil

MADELYN!! my little NIECE.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I cant believe you are 9 years old!! I am so happy! YAAY!! I love you and I will see you in a few days!  have a safe trip to California!  ( your bday present is a big hug from me!! hahah lucky you!! )

love you!